The Annual Christmas Letter, Part 4: 2002

Sometimes, the years are just dull and lifeless for us with no inspiration for a good MockMas letter.  2002 was one of those years.  If you want high comedy, you should read some of the letters we RECEIVE.  That, or hit one of our prior entries here, here, and here.

The last XMAS picture without a screaming child in it, ever.

December, 2002

It looks like your name has found itself on our Christmas card list; either that or we forgot to remove you from the roster – lucky you!  We thought 2001 was a crazy year; who knew what 2002 would give us!?

Peter and Jill have less of a social life than a high school chess team so we lived vicariously through our children this year.  Yes, we said child-REN.  The year began with Pete knocking up Jill once again.  So, on October 9th she gave birth to 8.2 pounds of proof that the rhythm method doesn’t work.

Benjamin Peter was born after a fairly easy labor, just enough pain so his mother can use it against him some day.   He shares a birthday with his grandpa and a receding hairline with his father.  However, unlike Daddy, Ben’s hair is starting to grow in.  Sister Maddy decided at first that Ben was the antichrist and made several kamikaze runs in an attempt to eliminate the competition.  After a few days, 10 trips to Chuck E. Cheese and 50 presents later she calmed down and now settles for stealing his pacifiers.

Maddy is adorable as always.  She now likes to climb all over the place.  After watching Spiderman with Daddy she decided it would be fun to climb out of her crib, room, and even the house.  We found her at the freeway off ramp trading her pacifiers for pictures of Elmo.  We have contacted the local Supermax prison for some assistance in securing the house but the warden doesn’t think he can help. We’re taking donations of unwanted fruitcakes to build a fortress around the property.  Being the advanced 22-month old she is, Maddy has already reached the “Terrible Two’s”.  On a never-ending quest to be independent, Maddy believes that she can do everything herself including changing her own diapers. The good news is that she is on her way to getting an A+ in finger painting when she goes to preschool.

Jill found a hobby this year conning desperate people out of their hard-earned cash on eBay.  It works like this: say someone throws out a perfectly good toilet seat on Tuesday.  Jill picks it up from the curb and by Wednesday she is auctioning it on eBay as “Vintage Powder Room Accessory”.  If it doesn’t sell she just re-lists the object as “President Bush Sat Here”.  It’s a wonderful racket and we’re all very proud.  Check eBay in January and you may be able to buy back your Christmas gifts.  Mention this letter and save on shipping.

Pete is STILL with the same company.  He’s so busy with work he built a driving range on the side of the house.  He has, amazingly, survived about 6 rounds of layoffs with his employer.  While we are fortunate but in a way it is like being on death row; we know the end is near, it is just a matter of when.  At least the food is better here.

So, once again, that is our year. We just finished putting up our tree with 1600 lights and Pete still has his big plans for lighting the yard.  Jill tried to make him come down to reality and remember the energy crisis and outrageous electric bills from just two years ago but she found herself tied to a chair with light strings in the shed for 3 days.  She was actually grateful for the break.

Best wishes to everyone in 2003!  We hope the new year brings you as much fun and excitement as you can handle.  We can’t wait to see what the year has in store for us… Will Ben survive his first year with Maddy?  Will Maddy stop eating dirt?  Will Jill survive twice as many diapers?  Will Pete have to drag his butt to a real office?  Stay tuned next year for another installment of “A Year in the Life of the Kraatz Family in One Page or Less”

Feliz Navidad!